2012 AFC South Preview

Hallelujah it's the end! Here's the last of NFL division predictions, with the 2012 AFC South. What about my playoff predictions? Playoffs! You wanna talk about playoffs?

1. Houston Texans (9-7)

Head Coach: Gary Kubiak (7th season w/ Texans; 7 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Matt Schaub (15 TD, 6 INT, 2479 YDS, 61 Cmp%)

Running Back: Arian "#1" Foster (1224 YDS, 10 TD; 53 Rec, 617 YDS, 2 TD)

Wide Receiver: Andre "Injury Prone?" Johnson (33 Rec, 492 YDS, 2 TD); Kevin Walter (39 Rec, 474 YDS, 3 TD);

Tight End: Owen Daniels (54 Rec, 677 YDS, 3 TD)

Defensive Player: Connor Barwin (OLB; 11.5 SCK, 47 TCK)

Rookie to Watch: DeVier Posey (WR, Ohio State) - If Andre Johnson can't stay healthy, Posey will have to step up.

The Texans are coming off their first post season appearance and victory in franchise history. Oddly enough, it took a third-string QB to get them there. Expect Arian Foster to put up numbers that make fantasy football opponents cringe. I'm terribly concerned over Andre Johnsin's injuries. If he can't recover, I don't know who Matt Schuab, who is recovering from an injury himself, has left to throw to. And now, a little tip if you are going to play in Texas...

2. Tennessee Titans (8-8)

Head Coach: Mike Munchak  (2nd season w/ Titans; 2 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Matt Hasselbeck (18 TD, 14 INT, 3571 YDS, 61.6 Cmp%); Jake Locker (4 TD, 0 INT, 542 YDS, 51.5 Cmp%)

Running Back: Chris "Cop Speed" Johnson (1047 YDS, 4 TD)

Wide Receiver: Kenny “Trouble” Britt (17 Rec, 289 YDS, 3 TD); Nate Washington (74 Rec, 1023 YDS, 7 TD); Kendall Wright (R)

Tight End: Jared Cook (49 Rec, 759 YDS, 3 TD)

Defensive Player: Jason McCourty (CB; 105 TCK, 1 SCK, 2 INT)

Rookie to Watch: Kendall Wright (WR, Baylor) - Hey, someone has to step up because Kenny Britt is an idiot. Why not the rook?

She's appalled by my Titan's prediction. 

Jake Locker was recently named the starter by the Titans, which signals the end of Matt Hasselbeck's career as a starter. Chris Johnson started last season colder than Shaq's movie career, but rebounded like, well, anything that bounces back and is not affiliated with the stock market. Kenny Britt is not smarter than a 5th grader, and I enjoy the rocky top ditty.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-12)

Head Coach: Mike Mularkey (1st season w/ Jaguars; 3 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Non-existent, like the franchise Blaine Gabbert (12 TD, 11 INT, 2214 YDS, 50.8 Cmp%); Chad Henne (4 TD, 4 INT, 868 YDS, 57.1 Cmp%)

Running Back: Maurice “Pissed Off” Jones-Drew (1606 YDS, 8 TD); Rashad Jennings (0 YDS, 0 TD)

Wide Receiver: Laurent Robinson (54 Rec, 858 YDS, 11 TD); Justin “Drinks on Me!” Blackmon (R)

Tight End: Marcedes Lewis (39 Rec, 460 YDS, 0 TD)

Defensive Player: Jeremy Mincey (DE; 8 SCK, 1 INT)

Rookie to Watch: Justin Blackmon (WR, Oklahoma State) - If he can stay sober, then he can provide an outlet to whomever is quarterback.

Let's be honest: Did you know that Jacksonville has an NFL franchise? The Jaguars have an excellent, but holding out, running back in Maurice Jones-Drew. The receiving options are intriguing with Blackmon and ex-Cowboy Laurent Robinson. TE Marcedes Lewis had 10 TD in 2010 and followed up with 0 TD last season; we call that fantasy failure. Expect the Jaguars to rebuild, and Blaine Gabbert to have better Cmp% than Tim Tebow (see Accuracy section in link). And yes, that was a sucker punch to Gabbert.

4. Indianapolis Colts (4-12)

Head Coach: Chuck Pagano (1st season w/ Colts; rookie head coach)

Quarterback: Peyton Manning Andrew “The Prodigy” Luck (R)

Running Back: Donald Brown (645 YDS, 5 TD); Delone Carter (377 YDS, 2 TD)

Wide Receiver: Reggie “Why Did I Stay?” Wayne (75 Rec, 960 YDS, 4 TD); Austin Collie (54 Rec, 514 YDS, 1 TD)

Tight End: Coby Fleener (R)

Defensive Player: Dwight Freeney (DE/OLB; 8.5 SCK)

Rookie to Watch: Who do you think? - Seriously, when you get fans chanting “Suck for Luck,” you better live up to the hype for fans to forget that previous season of futility. 

Yup, I too believe he's the real deal.

Good news Colt fans: You have a future quarterback. Better news: You don't have to worry about his neck. Luck has shown in two preseason games so far that he is worth every lost last year. However, with most rookie quarterbacks, he'll have growing pains statistically. In a fantasy perspective, definitely consider Reggie Wayne if he's available later in the draft. Coby Fleener, Luck's teammate at Stafford, should make Colt fans forget about Dallas Clark quickly.

Don't fret fans, because I'll be back with my playoff predictions in two weeks! Oh yeah, this is only the beginning (leaving as I laugh evilly).

2012 AFC North Preview

Welcome back fellow reader. We are nearing the end. Here's the 2012 AFC North preview.

Not coming to an affordable store near you.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-5)

Head Coach: Mike Tomlin (6th season w/ Steelers; 6 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Ben “Psychological?” Roethlisberger (21 TD, 14 INT, 4077 YDS, 63.2 Cmp%)

Running Back: Isaac Redman (479 YDS, 3 TD); don’t count on Rashard Mendenhall

Wide Receiver: Mike “Holdout” Wallace (72 Rec, 1193 YDS, 8 TD); Antonio Brown (69 Rec, 1108 YDS, 2 TD)

Tight End: Heath Miller (51 Rec, 631 YDS, 2 TD)

Defensive Player: Troy Polamalu (SS; 91 TCK, 2 SCK, 1 INT, 1 TD)

Rookie to Watch: David DeCastro (G, Stanford) - Immediately starting on the right side, DeCastro will have to keep Big Ben upright and provide running lanes for his running backs, which won’t be a problem.

Here we go. Are the Steelers going to the Super Bowl? It’s possible, but there are questions: 1. How do the Steelers approach the season with Rashard Mendenhall potentially out for the season? 2. Will Mike Wallace report to camp? 3. Will new offensive coordinator Todd Haley fit in with Big Ben and the offense? 4. Will Big Ben’s rotator cuff hold up throughout the season? 5. Will Hienz Ward dance in the new Batman movie? Overall, the Steelers will be the Steelers and make the playoffs yet again. And if you forgot their team colors, this song should pound that into your skull.

2. Baltimore Ravens (10-6)

Head Coach: John “Enthusiasm” Harbaugh (5th season w/ Ravens; 5 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Joe Flacco (20 TD, 12 INT, 3610 YDS, 57.6 Cmp%)

Running Back: Ray “Wild” Rice (1364 YDS, 12 TD; 76 Rec, 704 YDS, 3 TD)

Wide Receiver: Anquan Boldin (57 Rec, 887 YDS, 3 TD); Torrey Smith (50 Rec, 841 YDS, 7 TD); Jacoby Jones (31 Rec, 512 YDS, 2 TD)

Tight End: Ed Dickson (54 Rec, 528 YDS, 5 TD); Dennis Pitta (40 Rec, 405 YDS, 3 TD)

Defensive Player: Ray “Crime” Lewis (LB; 95 TCK, 2 SCK; 1 INT)

Rookie to Watch: Courtney Upshaw (OLB, Alabama) - Projected to start at LOLB, his rush should make ROLB Paul Kruger’s life easier; ditto for Ray Lewis and John Jameel McClain.

Poor Ravens. So close yet so far. It doesn’t help that this team is in now a competitive division with the Steelers and the Bengals. Joe Flacco statistically went backwards last season (Cmp %, TD passes, and QB rating went down), but he has the leadership qualities and enough talent to lead a team to a Super Bowl, including this season. Ray Rice will again be the workhorse on offense and, in my opinion, is the top fantasy running back this season. The Ravens defense is aging, but should still be a force.

3. Cincinnati Bengals (9-7)

Head Coach: Marvin Lewis (10th season w/ Bengals; 10 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Andy Dalton (20 TD, 13 INT, 3398 YDS, 58.1 Cmp%)

Running Back: BenJarvus Green-Ellis (667 YDS, 11 TD); Bernard Scott (380 YDS, 3 TD)

Wide Receiver: A.J. Green (65 Rec, 1057 YDS, 7 TD); Armon Binns (0 Rec, 0 YDS, 0 TD); Mohamed Sanu (R)

Tight End: Jermaine Gresham (56 Rec, 596 YDS, 6 TD)

Defensive Player: Geno Atkins (DT; 8 SCK, 2 FUMR, 1 TD)

Rookie to Watch: Dre Kirkpatrick (CB, Alabama) - If he can translate his shut-down style to the pros, Kirkpatrick won’t see too many passes thrown his way.

I think we’re done with the Bungals for awhile. If team owner Mike Brown wasn’t such a cheapass, this team would be viewed with a little more respect by players and fans. The QB-WR duo of Dalton and Green should make the team viable for years to come, but the dreaded sophomore slump could be ahead (and yes, I find it ironic that the Browns provided the previous link). With RB Cedric Benson gone, the running game will be mediocre. Lastly, how in the hell has Marvin Lewis been coaching the Bengals for so long?

4. Cleveland Browns (4-12)

Head Coach: Pat Shurmur (2nd season w/ Browns; 2 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Brandon Weeden (R); Colt McCoy (14 TD, 11 INT, 2733 YDS, 57.2 Cmp%)

Running Back: Trent “Broke Down?” Richardson (R)

Wide Receiver: Greg Little (61 Rec, 709 YDS, 2 TD); Mohamed Massaquoi (31 Rec, 384 YDS, 2 TD); Joshua Cribbs (41 Rec, 518 YDS, 4 TD)

Tight End: Benjamin Watson (37 Rec, 410 YDS, 2 TD)

Defensive Player: Jabaal Sheard (8.5 SCK, 55 TCK)

Rookie to Watch: Trent Richardson (RB, Alabama) - If the Browns want any hope this season of being a football team, Richardson will have to carry the load.

Yup, this was the Browns' old mascot. Yikes.

Let me first state that if the Cleveland Browns sold for $1 billion, then just imagine if the team was located in a more geographically, friendly, and warmer better area (except Jacksonville... I wonder if Maurice Jones-Drew is researching real estate in LA). With the sale, rumors are swirling that Weeden, Richardson, and Shurmur are on the hot seat. The Browns are in the running for the 1st overall pick in the 2013 draft. And to conclude, here is a moment in Cleveland Browns history.

Last up: AFC South, which will be up today!

2012 AFC West Preview

Sorry for being a little late on the 2012 AFC West Preview. I got lost watching Ocean's Thirteen. My bad.

1. Denver Broncos (9-7)

Head Coach: John Fox (2nd season w/ Broncos; 11 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Tim Tebow Peyton “Role Model” Manning (33 TD, 17 INT, 4700 YDS, 66.3 Cmp% in 2010; didn’t play last season)

Running Back: Willis “Knee Jerk Reaction” McGahee (1199 YDS, 4 TD)
Wide Receiver: Demaryius Thomas (32 Rec, 551 YDS, 4 TD); Eric Decker (44 Rec, 612 YDS, 8 TD); Andre Caldwell (37 Rec, 317 YDS, 3 TD)

Tight End: Jacob Tamme (19 Rec, 177 YDS, 1 TD)

Defensive Player: Von Miller (OLB; 11.5 SCK, 64 TCK)

Rookie to Watch: Brock Osweiler (QB; Arizona State) - Won’t be a starter this season or next, but has the tools to be an eventual starter if Peyton guides him.

I still don't know if I can get use to Manning's new colors. Talk about an interesting free agency period for Peyton Manning and the Broncos (this list predicted where he would go, and like most predictions, including mine, were wrong). Tim Tebow is out, and the future Hall of Famer is in. Fans still worry over Manning’s neck, although he isn’t too concerned. Obviously with the pass-efficient quarterback, expect the receiving numbers for the team to increase and the rushing yards to decrease. Six of Denver’s first eight games are against 2011 playoff teams (vs. PIT, @ ATL, vs. HOU, @ NE, vs. NO, @ CIN).

2. San Diego Chargers (8-8)

Head Coach: Norv “Will he ever be fired?” Turner (6th season w/ Chargers; 15 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Philip “No ACL Necessary” Rivers (27 TD, 20 INT, 4624 YDS, 62.9 Cmp%)

Running Back: Ryan Mathews (1091 YDS, 6 TD)
Wide Receiver: Malcom Floyd (43 Rec, 856 YDS, 5 TD); Robert Meachem (40 Rec, 620 YDS, 6 TD)

Tight End: Antonio Gates (64 Rec, 778 YDS, 7 TD)

Defensive Player: Eric Weddle (FS; 7 INT, 88 TCK)

Rookie to Watch: Melvin Ingram (DE; South Carolina) - Projected to play OLB as well, Ingram is a potential playmaker that can give quarterbacks fits.

Sing it with me: San Diego Mediocre Super Chargers! How does this team underachieve every single season? I’ll give you a hint: Norv Turner is the consistent factor; the same for GM A.J. Smith. Rivers had a bad season when comparing to his standards, and with WR Vincent Jackson gone, at least expect Floyd numbers to increase. Ryan Mathews is no Ladainian Tomlinson, but he is still a solid fantasy running back option. Once the Chargers miss the playoffs again, expect Turner and Smith to still be back. But this guy will still be a fan.

3. Kansas City Chiefs (8-8)

Head Coach: Romeo Crennel (2nd season w/ Chiefs; 6 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Matt Cassel (10 TD, 9 INT, 1713 YDS, 59.5 Cmp%)

Running Back: Jamaal Charles (1467 YDS, 5 TD in 2010 season), Peyton “Madden Cursed” Hillis (587 YDS, 3 TD)
Wide Receiver: Dwayne Bowe (81 Rec, 1159 YDS, 5 TD); Jonathan Baldwin (21 Rec, 254 YDS, 1 TD); Steve Breaston (61 Rec, 785 YDS, 2 TD)

Tight End: Tony Moeaki (47 Rec, 556 YDS, 3 TD in 2010 season)

Defensive Player: Tamba Hali (OLB; 12 SCK, 66 TCK)

Rookie to Watch: Dontari Poe (DT; Memphis) - One of these two words will summarize his career: boom or bust. He has the potential to be a force in the trenches if he was motivated for every play.

Is there a gleam to this team? Maybe. The Chiefs were the team to take down the then undefeated Green Bay Packers last season. Talk about the faces of the team going down last season. QB Matt Cassel, RB Jamaal Charles, and FS Eric Berry are coming back from a right throwing broken hand a torn ACL, and another torn ACL, respectively. Former head coach Todd Haley, now the offensive coordinator for the Steelers, probably wonders ‘what if’ if his star players could have stayed healthy. Expect Bowe to leave the team after this season.

4. Oakland Raiders (5-11)

Um, stranger danger?

Head Coach: Al Davis Dennis Allen (1st season w/ Raiders; rookie head coach)

Quarterback: Carson Palmer (13 TD, 16 INT, 2753 YDS, 60.7 Cmp%)

Running Back: Darren McFadden (614 YDS, 4 TD)
Wide Receiver: Darrius Heyward-Bey (64 Rec, 975 YDS, 4 TD); Denarius Moore (33 Rec, 618 YDS, 5 TD)

Tight End: Brandon Myers (16 Rec, 151 YDS, 0 TD)... I don’t think the Raiders know they have a tight end

Defensive Player: Tommy Kelly (DT; 7.5 SCK, 2 FF, 1 INT)

Rookie to Watch: Juron Criner (WR; Arizona) - When you don’t have a draft pick until the very end of the 3rd round, you have to talk about someone. That’s why I choose this potential #3 receiver from the 5th round.

Well, former owner Al Davis stepped down died. Sadly, that moment made this team potentially viable again. However, with a new head coach with no head coaching experience, stripped of draft picks to get an over-the-hill quarterback, and an injury-prone running back, this team will struggle. But at least the Raiders have the Black Hole, two awesome (and I assume beer-drinking) kickers, and this simple motto.

Next up: AFC North & South. Will be published by Tuesday, 9 pm. See you then!

2012 AFC East Preview

Look everyone! It's the 2012 AFC East preview! Who will stop the Patriots? No one in this division!

If Belichick thew a punch with that bling, ouch.

1. New England Patriots (14-2)

Head Coach: Bill “PB&J” Belichick (13th season w/ Patriots; 18 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Tom “Trophy Husband” Brady (39 TD, 12 INT, 5235 YDS, 65.6 Cmp%)

Running Back: Stevan Ridley (441 YDS, 1 TD); Danny Woodhead (351 YDS, 1 TD)

Wide Receiver: Wes Welker (122 Rec, 1569 YDS, 9 TD); Brandon Lloyd (51 Rec, 683 YDS, 5 TD); Deion Branch (51 Rec, 702 YDS, 5 TD); Jabar Gaffney (68 Rec, 947 YDS, 5 TD)

Tight End: Rob “Party Rock” Gronkowski (90 Rec, 1327 YDS, 17 TD) (79 Rec, 910 YDS, 7 TD)
Defensive Player: Vince “Run Forest! Run!” Wilfork (DT; 52 TCK, 3.5 SCK, 2 INT, 1 TD)

Rookie to Watch: Chandler Jones (DE; Syracuse) - Projecting to backup Trevor Scott, Jones must provide outside pressure when in the game to free up the interior D-line (WIlfork) to get to the quarterback.

The Patriots experienced déjà vu in the Super Bowl when they lost to the Giants again thanks to their woeful secondary (31st in League, allowing 411.1 YDS/game). As long as Brady is the quarterback and he is still married to Gisele, expect the Patriots (and Brady) to keep on scoring (wink). This team doesn’t have a running game, which makes it even more impressive that they can throw the ball at will. And as if they didn’t need the help, the Patriots have the easiest schedule in terms of 2011 opponents’ records. 

2. New York Jets (11-5)

Head Coach: “Sexy” Rexy Ryan... Meow (4th season w/ Jets; 4 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Mark “GQ” Sanchez (26 TD, 18 INT, 3474 YDS, 56.7 Cmp%); and Tim Tebow is excited

Running Back: Shonn Greene (1054 YDS, 6 TD)

Wide Receiver: Santonio Holmes (51 Rec, 654 YDS, 8 TD); Chaz Schilens (23 Rec, 271 YDS, 2 TD)

Tight End: Dustin Keller (65 Rec, 815 YDS, 5 TD)
Defensive Player: Darrelle “No Holdout Not by Choice” Revis (CB; 4 INT, 52 TCK, 1 TD)

Rookie to Watch: Stephen Hill (WR; Georgia Tech) - Don’t be fooled by his college stats while at the triple-option offense of GT. He will see the field if Holmes/Schilens don’t show up.

J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! Oh, and Tebow! Tebow! Tebow! The Jets will be be fun to watch, whether succeeding, crashing, and/or burning. Mark Sanchez needs to complete more passes, which isn’t a problem when comparing to Tebow. Shonn Greene will be the primary back, with Joe McKnight filling in for the retired Ladainian Tomlinson. The Jets lost their last three games in 2011, including to rival/champion Giants. Four of the five Jets’ home games are between September 30 and October 28. LB Bart Scott can’t wait for that month-long stretch. And yes, I think I was drunk when I picked the Jets to win 11 games. Ugh.

3. Buffalo Soldiers Bills (9-7)

Head Coach: Chan Gailey (3rd season w/ Bills; 5 years total exp.)

Quarterback: Ryan “Smart Ass... Literally” Fitzpatrick (24 TD 23 INT 3832 YDS 62.0 Cmp%)

Running Back: Fred Jackson (934 YDS, 6 TD) C.J. Spiller (561 YDS, 4 TD)

Wide Receiver: Steve “Why so Serious?” Johnson (76 Rec, 1004 YDS, 7 TD); David Nelson (61 Rec, 658 YDS, 5 TD)

Tight End: Scott Chandler (38 Rec, 389 YDS, 6 TD)
Defensive Player: Mario Williams (DE; 5 SCK; recovered from torn pectoral muscle)

Rookie to Watch: Stephon Gilmore (CB; South Carolina) - Immediately upgrades the pass defense and could serve as a return specialist along with QB/WR/RB Brad Smith and RB C.J. Spiller.

The Bills started 2011 hot (4-1), especially with their first win against the Patriots since 2003. They faded down the stretch (2-9) like ‘90s boy bands, including losing seven games in a row due to the Fred Jackson leg injury and Ryan Fitzpatrick playing with broken ribs since Week 9 last season. Assuming everyone is healthy, this team can make opponents worry. The addition of Mario Williams, along with a great draft (beer anyone?) for their defense makes this team potentially playoff bound... next season. Now who wants some wings?

4. Miami Dolphins (4-12)

Head Coach: Joe Philbin (1st season w/ Dolphins; rookie head coach)

Quarterback: Yeah... a lot of them. Matt Moore (16 TD, 9 INT, 2497 YDS, 60.5 Cmp%); David Garrard (23 TD 15 INT 2734 YDS 64.5 Cmp% in 2010, didn’t play last season); Ryan “Lucky SOB” Tannehill (R)

Running Back: Reggie “No Heisman” Bush (1086 YDS, 6 TD); Daniel Thomas (581 YDS, 0 TD)

Wide Receiver: Davone Bess (51 Rec, 537 YDS, 3 TD); Brian Hartline (35 Rec, 549 YDS, 1 TD); Chad “OchoCinco No More” Johnson (15 Rec, 276 YDS, 1 TD)

Tight End: Anthony Fasano (32 Rec, 451 YDS, 5 TD)

Defensive Player: Cameron Wake (DE; 8.5 SCK) - Oh Canada!

Rookie to Watch: Ryan Tannehill (QB; Texas A&M) - He may not get to start this season. But if he did, his wife would still get more attention.

Ace's face summarizes the Dolphins upcoming season.

Remember Ace Ventura: Pet Detective? Hall of Fame QB Dan "Laces Out" Marino was in that movie, and was snubbed an Oscar for his performance. I doubt the season for the Dolphins will be anything like the movie, especially with the fact they have three number two quarterbacks on their roster. But hey, they have Hard Knocks and this catchy tune... 

Next up: AFC West. Will be published by Sunday, 9 pm. Hopefully I'm recovered by then.

2012 NFC South Preview

You know the drill, so I'll skip the BS. Here's the 2012 NFC South preview.

Clark Kent? From Auburn? In Charlotte?

1. Carolina Panthers (11-5)
Head Coach: Ron Rivera (2nd season w/ Panthers; 2 years total exp.)
Quarterback: Cam Newton (21 TD, 17 INT, 4051 Yds, 60 Cmp%; 706 Rushing Yds; 14 Rushing TD)
Running Back: DeAngelo Williams (836 Yds, 7 TD); Jonathan Stewart (761 Yds, 4 TD; 47 Rec, 413 Yds, 1 TD)
Wide Receiver: Steve Smith (79 Rec, 1394 Yds, 7 TD); Brandon LaFell (36 Rec, 613 Yds, 3 TD)
Tight End: Greg Olsen (45 Rec, 540 Yds, 5 TD)
Defensive Player: Jon Beason (MLB; 89 TCK in 2010, leader of the defense)
Rookie to Watch: Luke Kuechly (OLB; Boston College) - If Beason can stay healthy, then this can be the beginning of an excellent LB combo.

Yes, you are reading this correctly: The Panthers will win the division, but not the Super Bowl. Cam Newton is a dual-threat, and should make the Week 9 matchup against RGIII and the Redskins must-see TV. Steve Smith, 33, is close to being done as a threat receiver. “Double Trouble” running backs DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are argued as one of the best one-two punches in the NFL; however, neither should start for your fantasy team. Linebacker Luke Kuechly could be Defensive Rookie of the Year.

2. Atlanta Falcons (10-6)
Head Coach: Mike Smith (5th season w/ Falcons; 5 year total exp.)
Quarterback: Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan (29 TD, 12 INT, 4177 Yds, 61.3 Cmp%)
Running Back: Michael “The Burner” Turner (1340 Yds, 11 TD)
Wide Receiver: Roddy White (100 Rec, 1296 Yds, 8 TD); Julio Jones (54 Rec, 959 Yds, 8 TD)
Tight End: Tony “PETA Man” Gonzalez (80 Rec, 875 Yds, 7 TD) (last season)
Defensive Player: John Abraham (DE; 9.5 SCK)
Rookie to Watch: Peter Konz (C/G; Wisconsin) - Currently, he’s projected to start at the right guard position. Wisconsin usually produces good lineman. This makes Matty Ice very happy.

The Falcons once again seem like a team that will give teams fits and then falter in the playoffs. They have enough talent to worry you, but not enough to get over the top yet again. Michael Turner is now 30 years old, which is the RIP for RBs. Roddy White is going for 1000 receiving yards for the sixth straight season. Expect Julio Jones to get 1000 receiving yards as well. Fearless prediction: Matt Ryan throws for 4500 yards, 35 TD, 15 INT, and 65 Cmp%. All 2012 regular season games are in an away/home pattern.

3. New Orleans Saints (7-9)
Head Coach: Special multiple choice question below:
A. Sean Payton B. Drew Brees C. Aaron Kromer D. Joe Vitt E. All the above F. A & B G. C & D
Quarterback: Drew “Mardi Gras in Bristol” Brees (46 TD, 14 INT, 5476 Yds, 71.2 Cmp%)
Running Back: Darren Sproles (603 Yds, 2 TD; 86 Rec, 710 Yds, 7 TD); Pierre Thomas (562 Yds, 5 TD; 50 Rec, 425, 1 TD)
Wide Receiver: Marques Colston (80 Rec, 1143 Yds, 8 TD); Devery Henderson (32 Rec, 503 Yds, 2 TD); Lance Moore (52 Rec, 627 Yds, 8 TD)
Tight End: Jimmy “Man Child” Graham (99 Rec, 1310 Yds, 11 TD)
Defensive Player: Roman Harper (SS; 47 TCK, 4 INT)
Rookie to Watch: Nick Toon (WR; Wisconsin) - Don’t expect him to see the field at the beginning of the season, but his 6’2’’, 215 lbs frame won’t be ignored when starting receivers are suffering bumps and bruises.

If Sean Payton was coaching the Saints this season, I would have them better than 7-9. However, this team can only go so far until answers C & D above are out coached and the team realizes how motivated they were under former Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams (former StL coach Steve Spagnuolo is now the DC). However, Brees will continue to be awesome, Colston will have another 1000 yards, and just get out of Man Child’s way. The Saints will be marching into the endzone a lot, but due to a new defensive scheme, marching home for the postseason.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-11)
Head Coach: Greg Schiano (1st season w/ Bucs; 1 year total exp.) (Was Head Coach for Rutgers)
Quarterback: Josh Freeman (16 TD, 22 INT, 3592 YDS, 62.8 Cmp%)
Running Back: Doug Martin (R); LeGarrette “Run of the 2011?” Blount (781 Yds, 5 TD)
Wide Receiver: Vincent “5 is my lucky number” Jackson (60 Rec, 1106 YDS, 9 TD); Mike Williams (65 Rec, 771 YDS, 3 TD)
Tight End: Dallas “Why no gloves?” Clark (34 Rec, 352 YDS, 2 TD)
Defensive Player: Adrian Clayborn (DE; 42 TCK, 7.5 SCK)
Rookie to Watch: Mark Barron (SS; Alabama) - He was only part of the heart and soul of Alabama’s defense last season. This could be the potential leader of the defense when Rhonde Barber retires.

Hey, hey, Tampa Bay indeed!

Hey, hey, Tampa Bay! According to former head coach Raheem Morris, the 2010 squad was the best in the NFL. If that’s the case, what in the hell happened in 2011? They had one of the worst scoring offenses in 2011 (17.9 points/game) and the worst scoring defense (30.9 points/game). Josh Freeman experienced the sophomore slump, but his stats should improve with the addition of Vincent Jackson. This team should be able to bounce back with new coach Greg Schiano for the long term, but they need to stay away from this instigator.

Next up: AFC East. Will be published by Thursday, 9 pm. Now y'all come back now, ya hear?